Seven weeks

Realizing that all latest entries talked about Mia, I promised myself that the next entry would hve to be about something else. After all, I assume that not all readers of this blog dream about being parents (anytime in the near future). Who knows, maybe it's already too late and I have lost those readers already with my onesided updates of Mia ;)

But given that Mia is turning seven weeks today, I take it as impulse to write yet again about my life with her ... to start with, I should say that it still feels new, different, unknown. And at the same time my former life without child seems as far away as my kindergarten years. Ok, there are few more memories than kindergarten swirling around in my mind. But what I would like to say is that Mia is taking up quite a bit of my mind. In fact, it has been interesting to observe, how slowly, without consciously noticing it, Mia became the most important thing in my life. Before delivery, I kept on telling myself, that there are other things that will remain the same important, like work, or finding a partner one day. Having been with Mia for seven weeks, I have to admit that work, though still important, and partner, though as a project not erased completely, have turned second and third on the importancy list. And that Mia is on top of it. That she co-determines the thoughts about work and partner. Few days ago I got to know about a position in Myanmar. My first thought was "common, apply!", and my second, more intense thoughts were "will there be a nanny? will I be able to leave Mia with somebody else for few days when I have to travel to the field? will Mia understand if she is with somebody else for few days? is hopping from one country to the other the right lifestyle for a child?" I also started thinking about my own childhood, how much I enjoyed sitting on "my" apple tree after school and observing the world like a bird. Or going on walks through the forest; constructing tiny houses with twigs and leaves; being dragged up mountains - and despite the initial protest always feeling a flash of happiness when I reached the peak; jumping over the fence to play with the kids of the neighborhood. Surely, childhood in the place where I grew up wasn't just idyllic; I often read books from faraway places and wished to be there - in these unknown countries. And now I am here, with a child on my own, wondering what's best for her. An unspectacularly, but steady childhood in Italy, or a probably more spectacular, unsteady childhood in unknown countries? And what's best for me? Would I be able to take back on my own goals, for the sake of Mia? Would I be happy living the rest of my life here? Not that I give the rest of my life (beyond the next two three years) much thought. But sometimes, at night, when Mia is giggling, drinking (milk, just for clarity) or screaming away instead of sleeping away, these thoughts come to the surface. Same as the thought about partner. I don't mind being a single mom for the time being; chances are high that I will remain single for the rest of my life if I continue living in Suedtirol. Knowing that children come through us, but don't belong to us (did I mention that before? The title of a poem by Khalil Gibran, which I once wrote my mom on a birthday card ...), a partner would probably be a project worth it.

I am sure the reader of this entry (if anybody at all reached up to here in this entry) wonders if life with Mia is just about thinking. No, it isn't. Thinking has actually only taken up few hours in the past seven weeks. The rest was changing nappies, feeding, taking Mia for walks, trying to keep up household chores, going on walks with Argo, reading, meeting other moms for coffee in the morning, rearranging my flat to make it a bit more childfriendly, and lots of moments just looking at Mia, talking to her, making her smile, wondering if these enchanted moments will ever leave my memory again. There were also few downsides. Like overdimensional breasts (can't udnerstand why anybody would want to pump silicon into her breasts!), double as much laundry, 99% evenings at home, not being able to go trekking, ... luckily, the sunny sights have way outweight the down sides so far!

Ok, I should probably come to an end now. I am actually about to go on a first weekend trip with Mia today in the afternoon until Tuesday. So most likely, the next post will again be about Mia - in Paris :)