Parental advice

Few months ago I read an article about the unwillingness of young Italians (aged between 20 and 35, often already working) to move out of their parents' home. The article concluded that the phenomenon of the adult son (it indeed seemed to be more of a masculin/son phenomenon) had become quite a problem for parents, for instance in terms of costs which an additional adult inhabitant adds to the household of - often already retired - parents. Besides, afflicted parents complained that their sons/children would simply not learn how to live on their own, thus continuing being dependent on their parents. The article, though informative on the problem side, did unfortunately fail to offer a ten step "how to get rid of your adult child" rescue plan for desperate parents.

I and my parents have lived through this battle the other way round during the last four months: the attempt to move together into one house again (or rather, to put it correctly, I to move into their house again). It was a number of coincidences such as my not entirely planned pregnancy and few less enjoyable stuff that happened in 2008 which led me to make the - admittingly not easy - decision to move back home again. Home, where I had moved out (without much hassle) ten years ago. The experminent had its' hickups for both sides; neither was it easy for me to get used to my parents again, nor was it easy for my parents to get used to me again.

What made it all somewhat easier was that we knew from the onset, that this situation would not last forever, and that - despite all the good will shown by both sides - sooner or later, each of us would have their own space again.

So, after a couple of months of re-arranging it, I have finally moved into my own appartment three days ago. My move was not so much promped, but at least joined by a discussion with my mom at the end of which we both agreed that it is really about time to have each our own kitchen and toilet again.

The appartment itself is supercute, just the right size for myself, a baby and occasional guests. There is only one catch to the new appartment: it's in the house of parents. And, it actually belongs to them. Given these two facts, I got - in addition to the appartment - an extrashot of parental advice on how to re-arrange the appartment. And they really didn't leave out any opportunity to place a little advice. Their advice ranged from big stuff ("get a new kitchen!") to little advice such as "it's better if you place the plates in the left cupboard, instead of the right". The advice usually started off (like a little alarm bell) with the words "If I would be you"... . "If I would be you, I would not put the bed on this side of the wall". "If I would be you, I would take the slightly larger table - just in case you get ten or more visitors at a time". "If I would be you, I would take a shelf that is only twenty cm deep instead of twenty two". And so on. One of my favourite advices concerned the toilet brush. Amazing how far parental advice and parental interests can range!

Last but not least, despite all the protest with which I tried to counter the parental advice, I have to admit that some of the advice was actually quite ok - even though I often pretended not to listen to the advice and instead fired off arguments about the fact that I am soon having my own family and that I am thus regarding myself old enough to do without advice. I am now for instance sitting in my cosy new kitchen, and a shiver goes down my back when I just think about the 30 year old kitchen that filled this room once. I didn't take up the advice on the toilet brush, though.

Ultimately, it seems that parental advice is something that doesn't end at a certain age. For parents, we remain children, regardless if we have our own children or not. Just as on the other side, as children we never seem old enough to be taken serious when attempting to criticise our parents' household (my mom would probably be huffy for days if I would criticise her way of arranging plates in the cupboard). Parental advice can bother at times, making us feel like children though we are adults who have lived our own lives (in far more risky places) and taken up responsibility over projects larger than the income which I will likely earn througout my life. And yet, even though it is hard - at least for me - to accept advice, believing that I have to do everything my way, there are some advices which, bluntly put, simply make sense. Somehow I wonder if I will be also full of advices for my own child once it is old enough to understand them?